The Day My Soul Ruptured
If a blood vessel in your body ruptures it’s pretty obvious that the bleeding needs to be stopped.
If you get a cut, rupture the surface of your skin, and you begin to bleed out, a solution is to cauterize the wound to stop the bleeding.
But what do you when you have a “soul rupture”?
This is a big question because most people don’t even realize they’ve had a soul rupture.
So what is a soul rupture?
How does it happen? What causes it?
And how do you know if it’s happened to you?
Let me answer by telling you my story of the day my soul ruptured.
It was the last day of school after my third-grade year. I guess I was about 10 years old at the time.
Each year on the last day of school, my dad would come pick me up to stay with him for the summer. The rest of the year, I lived with my mom.
It’s amazing what you can pick up as a kid. I knew something was off that day. Something was in the air… a tension of sorts. And then it happened.
My parents asked me to come into the living room there in my mom’s little A-frame house on the river tucked away in the mountains of Northeast Georgia.
Once we were all in the room they told me they needed me to make a decision. They asked me who I wanted to live with from this day forward — mom or dad?
Instantly I knew I was in a no-win situation.
Instantly I knew that no matter what I chose I was going to hurt and abandon one of my parents.
Instantly, even at 10 years old, I knew this was a big turning point in my life.
What I did not know at the time was that this was the day my soul ruptured.
So what is a soul rupture?
A soul rupture is an event in our childhood that is triggered by the abandonment of our parents or caregivers. This abandonment may be physical, it may be emotional, it may be circumstantial or it could be a little of each.
In short, it’s a moment in time where the feeling, and assurance, of safety and love disappears.
In my story, the world suddenly became a place where people got hurt… where people got left behind… where choices created consequences… and where no-win outcomes were just the way the world works.
Understand, this happens to us as kids… children.
For me, all I sensed was the pain in the room that day. I didn’t understand the love that was behind the decision. And even though they tried to tell me, all I FELT was the pain of loss in the room – probably from my mom since she had the most to lose with me choosing my dad.
No one could help me process these feelings. My parents never had training for this kind of thing. They had their own childhood soul ruptures they’d never dealt with.
So there’s no blame here.
And yet, my soul DID rupture that day.
And that rupture set up a need… a longing… to fix the rupture… to have the rupture fixed… to find the love and assurance and safety that vanished that day.
It set me up for a life of looking outward for a love and safety — a looking outward that leads to a loss of self.
Listen, I know this is not light reading. I know this is a big can of worms I’m opening up. And, I believe it’s a conversation that deserves to be brought out of the dark and into the light.
Earlier I mentioned that if we have a wound and we’re bleeding that one option is to cauterize the wound.
When we have a soul rupture we attempt, out of instinct, to cauterize the rupture of our soul too. We tend to use almost everything in our path to cauterize our continual bleeding of the soul. Food, sex, drugs, work, spending, religion, isolation, sports, and people are fair game to be used when we’re trying to feel safe or loved.
This attempt to heal the rupture can feel like we’re a black hole pulling everything in and letting nothing escape.
Because we lost the feeling of safety before we could process what it all meant, we tend to spend our lives chasing affirmation in other people, other things, and other events that were never intended to provide the nurturing we need and crave.
The result is often an adult who lives in a constant, child-like fear of being abandoned or shamed.
Fear and shame that shows up in all kinds of behavior.
So what are we to do about it? How do we repair our ruptured soul?
First, we acknowledge that our soul may have been ruptured early on. And that it’s something that happens to us, not because of us.
There’s no blame here. We live in a fallen world where people get hurt and souls get ruptured.
Ultimately the only thing that can truly heal a ruptured soul is the spirit of God in us.
However, even then, there is residual damage done to our heart and mind that can take time to unwind, unravel, understand and undo.
Listen, I’m not a psychiatrist or therapist. I’m simply sharing my experience.
My intention in this post is to shine a light on something that perhaps you could only see the edges of in the dark. Shadows and shapes in the dark can be scary. And yet, once we shine light on theses shapes and shadows we realize the monster was actually our favorite teddy bear.
If you experienced a soul rupture as a child, know this… your parents probably had their own soul ruptured at some point too. Again, we live in a fallen world where the enemy wants nothing more than to divide and conquer us through any means available.
I don’t have all the answers. However, if you’re willing to ask the right questions, I believe we can find the answers together.
It’s these kinds of things my clients and I look at in their one-on-one coaching. It’s not easy but I guarantee them if they’re willing to go there, we can see some things they’d never seen before. They begin to see, and understand for the first time, what stops them over and over.
THEN, from that new awareness they can choose powerfully to move forward.
Listen, if you’ve got a gaping wound and you’re losing blood, vitamins don’t fix the problem. Too many self-help and coaching programs focus on talking over, looking away from, or past the problem.
Those “fixes” will never last… you will eventually bleed out.
If this post resonates with you and you’re ready to cauterize the rupture of your soul once and for all — and you’re willing to invest emotionally and financially in that process — then we should talk.
And if you choose to not talk with me, then at least find a counselor, therapist, or coach who understands this and can help you through the process.
It’s time to stop the bleeding, Champion.
In your corner,