YOUR RESPONSIBILITY IS ABOUT TO BE REWARDED.

That is the envelope teaser copy for the latest American Express credit card offer.

Now I don’t know how they got their list, but for me, that emotion is dead on.

They hit me right between the eyes.

Maybe it was luck, but even so, I bet it is a strong resident emotion in many people.

Here’s what I mean…

For years, I’ve struggled with my credit and made my fair share of dumb mistakes and have been, at times, flat out irresponsible. But over the last 7 years or so, I’ve tried much harder to be more… wait for it… “responsible” with my credit – and American Express noticed!!

Now this appeal would not work coming from most credit card companies but from American Express, now that’s something that they would notice.

So, I rip open the envelope – even though as a copywriter, I know I’ve just been sold.

Here is the first ine of copy… and all I really needed to read:

Dear Mr. McCool,

Managing your finances wisely is an important skill. Not everyone can do it, but you’ve demonstrated that you can. And that has earned you some important privileges.

Now to be honest, the rest of the letter is a little weak… they get into features and some 1st level benfits but they don’t ever tie those benefits back to the opening emotion…

But the opening line is soooo strong, I almost don’t care. And in fact, if I wasn’t looking to buy a house soon, I would have signed the application immediately.

So, would you like to see the letter for yourself?

It’s a rather large file about 3.5MB but just click on the link below to get it:

American Express Direct Mail Offer

Could you make the card features and benefits Stronger? If so, show us in the comments…